Sickly Chatter
by thisbentpaperclip
Summary: Lance takes strange altean medicine and starts acting strange himself.
1. strange

Lance was in a bit of pain. He had not been seriously injured, but he was still hurt. A lot of hits had been directed at him. His injuries didn't meet the requirements for the pod, so Coran was decided to give him some altean medicine instead.

"Here you go Lance! You only need to take one of these before bed and you'll feel as good as new!" Coran cheerfully exclaimed as he handed him a pink and blue pill.

"Thanks Coran." Lance wasn't entirely sold on taking altean medicine, but he decided to give it a go. The healing pods were proof that the alteans clearly knew what they were doing. Plus, what's life if you don't take any risks? He headed towards his room and got ready for bed. Lance popped one into his mouth, and went to sleep.

——————————————————————————

Keith tapped his foot impatiently. Lance was late to training again, and Shiro wouldn't let him start without the whole team. Shiro glanced over at the impatient Keith.

"Hey, why don't you go see if he's coming down here? He is taking a little longer than usual."

Keith grumbled and walked out the door. He passed Pidge and Hunk arguing over some coding process. At least they showed up on time. What could Lance possibly be doing? He was 20 minutes late to training. He does this _all the time_.

As he was walking down the hall, he saw Lance...walking wasn't the right word. It was more like someone got drunk, rode a rollercoaster, and then tried to run a marathon. In other words, Lance looked like a mess.

"Uh, you okay there buddy?"

Lance looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Supercuts fucked my shit up."

"...what are you talking about?" Keith had so many questions, none of which Lance could answer right now. Keith turned on his coms. "Shiro, I need your help. Lance is acting weird. Weirder than usual."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't really explain it. Just hurry up and help me!" Lance started stumbling towards Keith, arms stretched out. Keith sighed. He _really _didn't want to deal with this today.

"Alright, I'm on my way."


	2. Mister

"Where is Shiro?" Keith wondered out loud. Lance was tugging on the back of his hair.

"What a fabulous mane you have there Mr. Horse. Very long, quite sleek." Lance muttered.

"For the last time Lance, I am not a horse! Shut up!" Keith snapped.

Shiro walked in at that moment. "Keith, is everything alright?"

"No, everything is not alright! Lance is being weird, annoyingly weird!"

"Hush now Mr. Horse. You cannot compete in the race if you are stressed."

"Shut up!"

"Ok, let's calm down here. Lance does seem a bit out of it."

"A bit?"

Shiro sighed. "Ok, maybe a little more than a bit. Let's get him to Coran. Maybe he can help."

"C'mon Lance, let's go." Keith grumbled.

"Yayyy, a horse ride!" Lance immediately jumped on Keith's back. "Now run, before you forget how to." Lance whispered in his ear.

"What does that even mean!?"

"Well, it looks like this is the only way we can get him to Coran." Shiro said.

"The only way?"

"The only way."

"You think this is funny, don't you?"

Shiro smiled. "A little."

Keith groaned, and hoisted Lance up so he could properly give him a piggyback ride. "Alright, let's go."

——————————————————————————

They ran into Coran in the hallway.

"Oh, greetings paladins! I am curious as to why number 3 is on number 4's back. Is this some new way of transportation?"

"God no. Lance is acting really out of it. Can you help us find out what's wrong with him?"

"I'm always happy to help!" They followed Coran down the hallway. Suddenly, he stopped.

"What is it?" Shiro asked.

Coran perked up. "I just remembered something! I gave Lance some altean medicine yesterday. This must be one of the side effects taking place."

"And what exactly are those side effects?" Shiro questioned.

"His mind is in a feverish state. It's nothing serious, he'll be right as rain soon! Lance taught me that expression, I quite like it!"

"How soon?" Keith asked impatiently.

"There is no real way to tell. You'll just have to wait it out." Coran replied.

"Great." Keith grumbled, Lance still straddling his back.


	3. Chipmunk

"Goi, goi, gooooi, goiiii, goi, goi!" Lance had his hand cupped around his mouth with his pinky up. For some reason, this made his voice really high pitched, and he sounded like a chipmunk, or a really squeaky rubber duck. Lance was stumbling around, making high pitched noises. He looked insane. Shiro and Keith were doing their best to lead Lance down the hallyway, but Lance always managed to bump his head on wall.

They managed to get Lance to the training room, where Pidge and Hunk were. Keith and Shiro had to explain the situation to them.

Pidge and Hunk mummered a 'hey', not really paying attention to the scene behind them. They whipped around when they heard Lance break out in a rendition of Criminal (Britney Spears) on his high pitched hand trumpet.

"Uh... what's going on?" Hunk asked when he saw both Shiro and Keith holding Lance up. Pidge was laughing into her hand as Lance got to the chorus.

"Lance had some weird medicine, and now he's weird." Keith stated bluntly.

"Well, yes, but these effects are only temporary. He'll be back to normal soon. For now, we have to keep an eye on him. He's pretty out of it. Consider this our bonding exercise for today." Shiro added.

Pidge groaned. "Don't get me wrong, I love not having to train, but I have important intel from the galran bases we invaded that I was hoping to go through today."

"You're not getting out of this Pidge, we all have to put a little effort into helping Lance."

"But-"

"No buts. We're helping Lance and that's final." Shiro said.

Lance giggled and threw his head back to stare at the ceiling. "Ha, you said buts."

Shiro glared over at Lance.

"Um, this sounds like a really great idea, but what exactly are we going to do with Lance?"

They all turned and stared at Lance, who was doing a drunk version of the Macarena. It was slow at first, like he just woke up and was hungover. It then progressed into Lance desperately dancing as fast as he could. Keith went over and stopped him before he flung all his limbs off.

"I have no idea." Shiro admitted.

——————————————————————————

Author'a note:

My friend can actually do the hand trumpet trick. She cups one hand around her mouth, sticks her thumb and pinky out, and just repeats 'girl' over and over again until it sounds like a chipmunk pitched 'goi'. It's super hilarious, she taught my friends and I how to. Try it out, see if you can get it!


	4. Climb

"I think our main priority it to just keep Lance out of trouble." Shiro finally said.

"Ok. Great. We have to babysit Lance now." Pidge said, annoyed.

"Uh, guys? A little help?" Hunk asked. Lance was attempting to do a handstand and Hunk was the only thing keeping Lance from face planting. Everyone rushed over to go help.

Keith groaned. "I need to train today. Can everyone get out?"

Shiro sighed. "Guys, none of us are going to leave Lance when he's like this. We need to work together as a team. _Alsothere'snowayyou'releavingmealonewithhim."_

_"_What?"

Shiro coughed into his hand. "Nothing. Anyways, we need to get him out of this room. Something's bound to go wrong."

"Then why did we have to bring him here?" Keith complained.

"I didn't think it through."

"Wait, where's Lance?" Hunk asked. He then shrieked when he saw what Lance was doing.

"Get down Lance!" Shiro shouted when he realized that Lance was attempting to scale the wall of the training room.

"Did Miley Cyrus let other people tell her what to do? No, and she became the first woman to fall on Pluto. A true inspiration."

"Lance, be careful!" Pidge shouted. Lance fell off the wall, but Shiro and Keith were ready. Keith was the one that caught Lance in his arms.

"Woah, another bonding moment with Keith." Lance said drowsily.

"Wait, what? Did you remember!?" Keith asked, shocked.

Lance didn't answer because he was already walking out of the room. Everyone hurried after him.


End file.
